Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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