I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
