I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
