He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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