I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
