I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
