And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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