I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
