Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
