it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
