But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
