Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
