and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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