if i can run in heels then i can drive
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
