last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you didnt know i had herpes?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
