I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
