How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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