Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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