remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
