i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Will exercising make me less horny?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
