today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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