Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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