The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
