So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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