Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
