haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
