I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
