i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
