i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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