im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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