I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
