my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my liver is dry heaving
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
