sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
