I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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