Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
