We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
