what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
