Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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