he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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