david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
