i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
