he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
