i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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