I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
