Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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