Farmville is her only friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
