walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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