you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
