We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
