you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
