You're my little dorito
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
