i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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