i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
